The Grand Tour or "What I Did On My Summer Vacation"

My wife and I love to drive around to all kinds of places. Up until recently, we could only do this on long weekends, and get about as far as Kamloops or Princeton, British Columbia to spend the night. Last year, we took a week and used it to combine driving with a flight to California to see my aunt.

The result was a bus-ride from Vancouver to Seattle, where we caught a flight to San Franciso, and then two days driving down through California, through the Mohave Desert and down to the "high" desert area of Victorville and Apple Valley.

Along with the joy of seeing family and experiencing their almost infinite hospitality, this trip was a real thrill in itself as an exposure to different lifestyles, economic and social conditions, and attitudes. Many of my expectations about California, the desert terrain and rural living were thrown out the window. Well, we did see a tumbleweed, and of course it was REALLY HOT AND DRY, like living inside a heater. Okay, so not ALL my expectations were completely blown away.:)

Anyway, for this year we'd discussed a driving tour of our home province of British Columbia. I figured that since B.C. is bigger than two or three of the U.S. states combined, there's gotta be something to see in our own backyard, and I was not dissappointed. Ultimately, we decided that we should extend our tour into Alberta, but decided not to plan any further than that and just let stuff happen as it might.

Day One: "Hope Springs Eternal..."

It was early afternoon, and we stopped for a late lunch at a favourite eatery, The Silver Creek Pancake House. This clean and well-favoured establishment has some really good breakfasts, particularly the buckwheat pancakes (yum!). As with most restaurants, we've found that you're more likely to get better service during the tourist season than the rest of the year, where you might find yourself being served by some disaffected young girl with a nose ring who is really dreaming of being as far away from serving pancakes as you are.

After gorfing down a good meal, we were off along the Coquihalla Highway, north to Kamloops. The Coquihalla is a major thoroughfare for commercial and recreational traffic, and is really the fastest way to the interior of B.C. One alternative route would be the Hope-Princeton Highway, which runs more easterly than north. We have tried the Hope-Princeton a number of times before, but I personally think it's more show than go. I remember some very pretty mountain driving, but I also remember doing it in a heavy snow with a huge semi breathing down our necks for miles. That's the main disadvantage: there's a lot of hills and single-lane highway there. By contrast, the Coquihalla has two or three lanes, and is less extreme in terms of hills. An average speed of 110 KPH is not difficult to maintain if you need to.

We whipped through Kamloops and headed east towards Revelstoke. We never made it quite that far, and ended up spending our first night in Salmon Arm. This stop was your basic "eat-sleep-eat-and-go" affair, but there was one memorable thing about it: a vibrating hotel room :).

This incredible phenomenon was accomplished through the local railway line, which ran right behind our hotel, probably less than 20 feet away. Twice every hour, a large freight train would roar through for about 5 minutes solid. The first time this happenned, I was laying on the bed, when we noticed a wall lamp start to sway and the bed start to shimmy. I immediately started thinking about the "Little Caesar's Pizza" commercial with the old couple and the vibrating bed. "What a honeymoon hot spot this place must be!" I thought to myself. At about 2 AM it wasn't quite as much fun though. Oh well, at least I know why the British Columbia Automobile Association gave this hotel such a high rating - the hotel itself rocks you to sleep!

Day Two: "Resorts, Ghosts, and a Spider..."

We went on the walking tour of the exhibits and saw the following:

• A first-class railway coach that was used by prominent citizens over the last eighty years or so. This would have been the rail equivalent of having your own Lear Jet with all the amenities such as a provate galley and dining room, a sitting room, and three bedrooms. (Most of the interior walls were done in oak panelling.)

• A old-west-style theatre where many kinds of live performances are held, from vaudevillian or english music hall comedy to singing and dancing revues. Along the inside walls of the hall were a number of old horse-drawn carriages in various stages of restoration.

• A large collection of all sorts of objects and curios from the area's past. These included hundreds of glass insulators used on local power poles over the last century, hundreds of different types and colours of beer bottles, representing, at least in part, the diverse mix of cultures (ie. chinese brewed beer alongside english, etc.), a large collection of stone and bone artifacts and tools from pre-historical native cultures, and all kinds of old household objects and technology, ranging from telephones and telegraphs, to recod players and water pumps.

• An extensive Ghost Town, which included authentic log cabins and real live run down, ramshackle huts from about 100 years ago. By far the most interesting thing to me was an entire two storey hotel that was moved onto this site to be restored. Among it's features was a fully appointed dining room, and a large (and apparently very heavy) billiards table. Unfortunately, this building was not sitting on any kind of cement foundation, so it was slowly sinking into the ground. If you remember how the camera used to be slanted on the old "Batman" TV show, you have a good idea of what it was like to walk around in a building that was slowly submerging on one side. Add to this the fact that the floor felt particularly weak and creaky in spots, and the fact that we were not allowed to go upstairs because it was "too dangerous", and I think you get the picture. So, you could say that this kind of added a danger element that made for an even more interesting tour than expected. But what is that hotel going to look like in another 10 years or so? I guess you'll be able to go upstairs by then, as the entire first floor will then be in the basement.

Grace made our dinner reservations by walking down the hall to the restaurant....boy - talk about roughing it! :) But what our room lacked in conveniences, it more than made up for in a lack of heat and a propensity to attract spiders! Well, okay - I only saw one. But he was a biggie. Startled the living crap outta me when he crawled under my face as I lay on the bed reading our road map. Brrrr! It still gives me the willies just thinking about how many more spiders there probably were just waiting to come in out of the cold wet night...

Day Three: "What the Hell, it's only gas..."

We whizzed right through beautiful downtown Calgary (quite a pretty town - much greener and blurrier than I expected, but we were driving pretty fast) and stopped at a Wendy's Burgers on the outskirts, in preparation for the journey to Edmonton.

He headed straight (and I mean like-an-arrow-endless-vanishing-point- hynotising-wake-me-when-it's-over-straight) to Edmonton. We made very good time, averaging at least 120 - 130 kph most of the way.

Edmonton, unfortunately, was a bit of a low point in some ways, since we were both rather tired by the time we arrived. We started a tour of the city quite by accident as we neglected to study our maps closely enough, and proceeded to get lost at least twice before finding our way back to that nice cheap Travelodge we'd noticed on the way into town.

I'd like to meet the people responsible for the Edmonton city plan, and give them all enemas with swirly straws. I've NEVER seen so many stupid, curvy roads in all my life. The city seems to be built around an oxbow river, and so in homage to this natural wonder, a number of streets sport nauseating curves, or at least an unpredictable sense of flow.

We spent a quiet evening in our room watching local TV. I particularly enjoyed the poor quality graphics and direction of the local newscast. I found myself in some sick way, longing for Tony Parsons and the BCTV news with it's robotic cameras and professional direction. I was also enjoying a rather ferocious thunder and lightening storm outside that lasted for a couple of hours. The lightening storm was much more professionally done than the news, and not unlike the local news, I was glad when it was over. We decided to order room service, not realizing that the delivery of our meal would be accomplished by sending some poor bastard out from the restaraunt across the parking lot from the hotel! The rain must have been bouncing 6 inches off the pavement, with big bolts of lightning, and Wagner-esque, "kill-da-wabbit" thunder claps going off. We're lucky we got our food at all, or at least not over-cooked!

The next day, we decided to hit West Edmonton Mall (we barely saw anything - seen one mall, seen 'em all) to buy ourselves some light raincoats and sweaters in case it rained at our next destination: Jasper!

Day Four: On to Jasper....(sigh)

What we saw of Alberta was some very pretty country, and once again, that nifty transformation of the landscape from flat farm land to foothills terrain as we got closer to Bamff National Park and the town of Jasper.

Aside from the $10.00 usage fee, entering Bamff National Park was a thoroughly enjoyable experience. Actually, I shouldn't complain about the $10.00 - I'd spend that much on popcorn at the Stanley Park Zoo, but then Stanley park also has a cool lil' choo-choo train that takes you along through a tour of all the squirrels, racoons, and starlings. I wonder if the National Parks would consider...naw, never happen.

On the way through the park, we encountered a small group of longhorn sheep crossing the road to get to the other side, and our growing convoy of sight-seers was brought to a stop. I noticed a fairly reverent feeling in myself as I saw these animals close up, combined with a sense of having interrupted someone else's daily routine.

The small herd moved cautiously across the road six of eight at a time, some guiding others with gentle nudges. I heard a rustling in the brush below the shoulder, and looked behind me to see a young sheep, startled by our presence. He climbed up the grassy bank just six feet away from us, watching catiously. After a few unsure moments, he trotted around our car to join the rest of his group. Then the whole group moved back across the road again to where they had started. When I think about it now, it might have been that they came across the road looking for stragglers that had wandered too far.

After a while, we reached the town of Jasper, where we looked forward to our lake-side cabin at the Pyramid Lake Resort. After cashing-up and buying a small disposable camera, we headed up the hill away from Jasper's main drag to our cabin. After checking in, we decided that we just HAD to rent a canoe and go out on the lake. Little did we know how this would unfold...

"Canoe, not Submarine"

This time we shoved off nicely, and got our balance. The key I found was to relax, which can be easier said than done if you're really afraid of falling in the lake. Of course we had life jackets, but I figure the embarassment alone would have probably killed us anyhow if we'd managed to tip it in the middle of the lake.

At any rate, it was really a lot of fun, and good exercise. After about 45 minutes, it was time to head back, dry off, and find somewhere to eat dinner.

Showering and changing into some nice dry clothes was pleasant, but it took an eternity to dislodge all the sand and crap from our lakefront dip. My runners were totally soaked of course, so I wore my slippers in the car into town, with the intention of buying some runners from one of the many over-pricing sports shops that folks who do know how to work a canoe buy their conoeing supplies from (did that make sense?)

On the way down into town, we saw a small black bear cub munching on some shoots of grass at the roadside. We slowed down carefully so as not to startle it, and to enjoy the scene. There were quite a few other tourists who were getting out of their vehicles and going right up to the little fella to get a good shot with their cameras and camcorders. "What idiots", I thought, since I figured that Mama Bear probably wouldn't be too far away. The thought of her crashing out of the bush to chomp on a few of these burmuda-shorts-wearing voyeurs gave me a perverse sense of satisfaction. A little farther down the road, a coyote ran along-side the hill next to the road for about an eigth of a mile - really a neat sight!

When we arrived at the local sporting goods shop, two things were running through my mind: First, I am wearing house slippers in public. That's gonna make me a major target for every sales clerk who figures I need a pair of $200 Nike running shoes. Second, these slippers really are comfortable! No... no.. I really need a new pair of running shoes. $80 later, and the deed was done. The runners were great (never owned Nikes before - Dad always shopped at either Fields or Safeway - pity me) and I still have them, but their still not *quite* as comfy as the house slippers. Go figure...

We had a passable meal at the local Japanese Restaurant. I apologize if you've been there and liked it - I did not, but it's the only one in town, I guess. Anyway, we went on a walking tour of beutiful downtown Jasper, looking to hit a few shops and do some gentle sight-seeing. We found this little record store in the basement of a building, and it was kind of a specialy 60's, shlock, nostalgia outfit which, while it smelled kinda musty and dusty, did have a really cool collection of old 60's vinyl. I wish I could remember the name of the place though... Didn't buy anything there though, since the prices were a bit steep for my liking, even if it was the Monkees or Beau Brummels.

That night in our cabin at Pyramid Lake Resort was a nice one. Most of our clothes were getting dry, and we were ready to relax after a long day. But even better - we had HBO! You gotta understand how much I love "The Larry Sanders Show". To this day, being curled up under fresh blankets in that hide-a-bed watching Larry Sanders is still a great memory. :)

Headin' Home

We spent the night at a local Motel (another good deal - thank you BCAA Tourbook!) and enjoyed the small outdoor swimming pool. I was watching two men enjoying their swim, and then watched them go back to their suite. Grace was surprised that I didn't notice that they were actually a couple. I thought about the vibrating hotel room back in Salmon Arm, and then quickly put that image out of my mind forever.

Nothing much happened for the rest of the trip back into Vancouver. All in all, it was a great vacation though. My advice to fellow car travellers in BC is try to get the best deal you can on your hotel rooms and restaurants. Otherwise, you might not have anything interesting happen to you that you could write about on your website...

The End.